I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
