When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
