in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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