I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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