I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize