The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
