Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
