It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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