I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
