Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
