This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
