ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
