toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
