the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
