I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
