i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
