I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In other news, I just burned my penis
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
