Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
