I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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