But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
