I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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