Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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