My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wear drunk well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
