I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Walk of Shame today included voting.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
