Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
