Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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