He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize