watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
