4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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