I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
