how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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