I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
