when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
