she smelled like a LAN party
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
