She's JV to your varsity
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
