Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
