great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
