OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize