I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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