Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
