He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
