yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
