I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
