Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
