He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
