mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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