apparently the secret to your success is patron
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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