I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
