well I can't set my house on fire every night
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
