Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You are a genius and a whore.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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