how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
