Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
