I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
there is glitter all over my balls
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize