I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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