I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
