I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize