No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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