That's intense
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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