Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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