At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
