Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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