Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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