There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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