her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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