two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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