You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
