This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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