shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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