I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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