We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Mom said you looked used
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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