last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
