I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
