I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize