So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
