was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
