My nipple is on Facebook.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
