I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
