his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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