There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
